Relationships and Marriage: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly aka My Love Story

I think the most talked about and significant is the one in the title above. Girls, lemme tell you something. Finding the right person isn't like shopping for a new lippie or picking out the latest designer top in a boutique. It's more complex than that. Lippies and clothes....what are they, superficial am I right? The right person has to reach deep into your soul and turn on the switch that will get the ball rolling.

Remember I told you about the 'lightbulb moment', U? A overheard and asked about it but I didn't get the chance to elaborate till now. My dad once revealed to me that a during one of those father-daughter talks, a famous politician had told his daughter that when she met The One, she would have this gut feeling that the man would be the person she would spend her life with. I laughed it off initially. Hey, after two boyfriends and disastrous endings, I was totally allergic to relationships and hadn't the remote interest in even attempting to get to know anyone. It didn't help that I was in a foreign land either.

But, one day I happened to walk out of the Dissecting Room in college and it was also at that time the men were making their way down to the Surau for Friday prayers. I was bending over on the floor to pick up my bags and stuff when I looked up and saw a pair of large dark brown eyes making their way down the hallway. He would never admit it, since he hasn't the remote memory of all this, but we locked eyes, I smiled and quickly looked away with butterflies in my tummy. Girls, i promise with all my heart, that was MY LIGHTBULB moment. No doubt, we didn't cross paths again till 2 years later, but I never forgot those large, dark brown eyes. 

Now, being a Muslim, i do believe that everything happens for a reason. In our religion, we call Qada' and Qadar, U. Meaning, our paths in life is pre-destined by God even before we were sent down to earth. Recalling this path to my marriage, everything seemed to fall into place. Two years after that fateful day, I spotted him outside the library in hospital. And i was hooked. After my break up with BF no.1, I had never felt as much interest about anyone as I had at that moment for this scruffy, curly haired, puppy eyed man. Slowly, and nonchalantly I asked around in the hopes of finding out who he was. 

Unknown to me, my mother had asked a certain elderly lady to look around for a suitable husband for me. Probably due to the high rate of unmarried ladies in my family. Coincidentally too, she was one of those that I asked about the Mr Puppy Eyes. Her immediate reaction was to whip out her phone and call the young man. I was totally mortified and petrified that she would blow my cover. 

From that day onwards, things started to develop although slowly. When I recall all this, I don't blame  U one bit for being straightforward with the men. During our first phone conversation, we agreed to be friends and see where it develops. If it ends in marriage, then Alhamdulillah. If not, we'll remain as friends. 

I won't dwell in the after years during our 4 year courtship. But what I do want to say is that it wasn't all smooth sailing, for me at least. It had it's fair share of ups and downs and uncertainties. When he finally proposed (after 4 years), I asked, " How can you be so certain that you're ready to get married?' His reply I thought was pretty logical... " Well, you can never be too ready for anything."  

My point being U and A, is that marriage doesn't happen in a blink of an eye. And love is not the 'stars in my eyes, fuzzy feeling with fireworks in background' that you see in movies. To tell you the truth, after the third year of marriage,  those fireworks feelings had disappeared and were replaced by a deeper, more mature feeling. Yes, I don't have butterflies in my tummy anymore whenever I look at him now, but then again I cringe at the thought of being with anyone else.

So gals, don't fret. You will find The One. You may need to climb many mountains, cross many rivers and swim many seas. But Darlings, without you least expecting it, your fish will eventually swim towards you from that vast ocean out there. You gotta have a whole lotta faith. I truly believe that when you meet The One, you'll have that Lightbulb Moment too. But till then, don't stop searching, and most important of all, don't stop praying... 

Who made me the Love Guru?

The End

Good Friends Are Hard to Find: Tim's Teapot Terrace

Dear Girls,

Yesterday started out as a normal day for me. I woke up and went through my usual routine...showered, prayed, got dressed, and went to work. We met up in room 3 for our usual pre-madness breakfast and gossip session. P, the nasi lemak was delicious as usual. Somehow, the sambal sotong wasn't too oily yesterday. I was feeling bad because I'd accidentally smashed your eyeshadow whilst depotting it for you, A. But you were so nice and brushed it off. Nonetheless, I'd made up my mind to buy you a new one...MAC shadows are expensive ok??! 

We were planning our activity for the long lunch hour, U. I was keen on going to Gardens, or KLCC....anywhere where there was a MAC store available. But you kept mentioning Tim's Teapot Terrace. I remembered thinking, what is with this girl today...was she feeling that left out when A and P had dinner there? A wouldn't be joining us, since she had a bloggers event with her blogger friend. Anya Hindmarch. P, well i assumed P would go home as usual. Since we were out of gossip time, we left it at that and dived into our usual morning madness.

Lunch arrived. We finished at 12pm. A and P had already left by the time I was done, and I went to room 3 looking for U. You were all dressed and made up, ready to go. U was so persistent about going to Tim's that i didn't have the heart to say no...Although i really wanted to go to Gardens to get that MAC shadow.

Our future FMS driving with style..

So we took your car and I directed you to Taman Melawati. You were busy messaging so I jumped out of the car first, but waited before entering. Anyway, you entered like you knew the place U, and you headed straight to the reserved table and plonked yourself down. I could see why you wanted to sit there, the table was beautifully placed in that corner. Anyway, I told you to get up and sit elsewhere since it was reserved, and you gave me a look which I translated as, "Its ok, lets just sit." I was like, "U, it's reserved...!"

"How do you know?'

"The sign is on the table." And I turned it round to face you. You reluctantly got up and at that point I saw your legs P, behind the curtain. What a coincidence, I thought! P is lunching with a friend here! Then out you came A, with balloons, and P was holding a slice of pie with a candle on it! 

I was a total mix of emotions... Shock, amusement, gratitude and so, so, touched! 

Tim's Teapot Terrace anyone? Girl in pic is not affiliated with cafe..hehe.

This surprise could certainly rival the one back in 2007 when dear friend H threw me an English Garden surprise birthday party at the Penang Botanical Gardens. I think H and A would certainly do well as party planners....!

English Garden Party 2007. Also my few times wearing a skirt.

Another surprise arrived 10 minutes later, in the form of Am and wife. Oklah Am, since it was your last day in our clinic, I'll share the lime light with you. But only for a while, ok!

Groupie. Thanks to the diner who so willingly took photos for us.

The pastries were delicious. A, you whacked that pavlova as if you had never eaten pavlova before.. this was your second visit wasn't it?? The nutella tart was my favourite... I think I shall have to pay another visit for a slice. P and especially U, sorry they didn't have more non-beef/vegetarian choices when it came to food. Next time we shall go to Thurkah for banana leaf, ok?

U and A sharing a joke. I love this pic.

It was totally relaxing and i enjoyed every minute. I think u did too, P. You were practically Cleopatra reclining on the sofa waiting for your Mark Anthony to come. I'd put up that picture, but I'm afraid you might upstage the Egyptian queen.

Hot mummies..

The ultimate surprise was this:

Cleopatra's Necklace. I absolutely love this. Believe it or not, this was what we'd planned to get for A's birthday.

Thank you, girls. You girls are really wonderful. I feel blessed to have work colleagues and bosom buddies like you lot...

Love you, people.

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So, when's the next party, babes?

One Step Closer...

     The 23rd of November 2014 was an epic date for me. After toiling with monthly assignments and frantically googling the answers for the monthly open book test with my study buddy, Miss U, I finally entered the exam hall. It was nerve wrecking, but strangely not as how I had felt as undergraduate student in Penang years back. After silently saying a prayer, i flipped the first page of the question booklet..

     Three hours later, the 2 years I had spent working for the Diploma of Family Medicine finally ended. My husband had arrived earlier in the morning from Down Under and as soon as was seated in the car, i thrust the mock exam questions into his face and demanded he answer one....or two...maybe more. At that point in my life, I was very, very thankful that I had accepted his proposal 6 years ago. At that point in my life, 7 hours before the final exams, my husband was my walking medical dictionary. I had earlier also warned him not to book his flight on any date before my exams.

     A month later, I was busy seeing patients as usual in a stuffy, crowded and ridiculously small clinic in Setapak, when WhatsApp started buzzing. " Exam results are out...." someone wrote.  My face paled. " Where?" someone responded. 'Email..." was the reply. I frantically opened my inbox, but at the same time my other hand accidentally pressed the next number to call the patient in. Cold sweat broke out and my limbs went weak and numb. I mumbled a curse as the wheel kept spinning, why couldn't we have wifi in this darned clinic! A 50-ish something lady sat down on the chair beside me and started complaining about something. I flipped through her book, pins and needles in my hands and stared at her records. Nothing registered despite her blood pressure written in red.All i could think off was how to get rid of her. Finally, after what seemed like hours, I finally managed to push her out. I grabbed the phone and scrolled down the page to see a list of names in alphabetical order. Relief spread over me from top to toe  and i felt like doing sujud syukur there and then in that cramped little room.

The email which made me shake
 

                                

So why is this entry entitled 'One Step Closer'? Because, my journey isn't over yet. This is only the first part of the journey. The next part will take me goodness know where, and how long. But I pray to God that I will always have his blessing and guidance no matter what i do.

The tale of two caterpillars...

     A gal's eyebrows are the crowning glory of the face. They shape, they frame and they balance out the facial features. Women every where are obsessed with these little strips of hair that vary from the something similar to the wild bushes that grow in the countyside, to the perfectly manicured hedges that grow in my neighbours' back garden.

     My foray into eyebrows came about when I was preparing for my wedding. My original eyebrows are very unruly. They had absolutely no structure, the hair grew in all directions and their width reminded me of the elastoplasts used to cover minor cuts. When I started watching Michelle Phan on Youtube way back in 2008, I was confused when she mentioned that we should follow the natural shape of the brows when it came to grooming them. Natural shape? Seriously? I would stand in front of the mirror, staring hopelessly at the pair of caterpillars above my eyes. I never had the guts to do anything to them at the time, too afraid that I might botch them up and too scared to allow anyone else touch them in case they botched it up too.

This is what my original eyebrows almost looked like. Note the bushiness.

     It wasn't until I got married that my eyebrows were finally trimmed. The makeup artist who did my makeup commented that they were difficult to trim because I had no arch. Thanks a lot. Needless to say, after the ceremony ended i was still too afraid to groom them myself, so again they grew into a forest. Two years later, i found myself being a housewife in Ireland with a less than year old baby. After completing the house chores and cooking, what was a girl to do? Youtube of course! And that's when I studied video after video and blog after blog of brow grooming (don't I wish I could apply this to my Diploma studies...)

     Fast forward a few more years and I am proud to say that i have finally mastered the art of eyebrow grooming. Well, at least I am no longer afraid to take the scalpel (or in this case tweezers) to them. What still gives me a headache is finding the ideal shade of powder or pencil or gel or brow mascara. Most products i use have some amount of red and warmth to them which makes it look a bit odd. Mind u, I am typical asian with black hair. Unless I dye my hair a chestnut or burgundy colour, there is absolutely no need for red brows. I tried multiple products, mainly pencils.

     Rimmel brow pencil is a holy grail for many beauties out there and on the recommendation of the beauty world it became my first brow product. It comes with a brush on the cap (which i think doesn't serve much of a purpose as it really is too thin...a spoolie would've been so much better). I picked the darkest shade available which proved too dark even for my black brows..or maybe I wasn't applying it right (let's not call the kettle black shall we). Next came the body shop eyebrow kit, which was too warm. Then the empro eyebrow pencil which was actually not too bad, but I still felt that something was a bit off. The essence brow kit and bobbi brown brow pencil in grey proved too warm too. I even used a Sendayu Tinggi black gel liner once since it didn't yield as black a line as I wanted. The result was a super crisp, well defined brow which was excellent for a night out but a bit too much for day time. At one point, i decided to try the darkest shade of grey eyeshadow from the Essence eyeshadow palette "Over the Taupe". Bingo! I found a shade which gave a totally natural look, and which didn't portray red brows. The key,i concluded, it to find a shade which leaned more grey than red.

     Recently, I picked up the Maybelline Eyestudio Masterbrow Pencil. Swatches in the store portrayed a medium grey colour with absolutely no warmth to it. I immediately pictured elderly women with grey hair using this and was doubtful that it would work for me. But i was sold when i saw the price...at less than RM 20, it would not burn a hole in my pocket, unlike the Tarte and Too Faced products i was contemplating an hour earlier. So I trotted off home with it, cleaned off my current brows which the SA in Sephora had kindly drawn on for me and proceeded to sketch on my brow. I found the pencil easy to work with, very slim and it deposited pigments which were buildable. The end result was lovely (at least i thought so), absolutely no warmth in them, just the right amount of darkness and very well defined thanks to the fine tip.

 

A very happy camper for now...

     

      I would still prefer to try a brow gel one day as i feel I have more control with a brush rather then a pencil.But losers can't be weepers, right? For the time being, this one is a keeper.

9 months later...

Nine months later and no, I have not given birth to another child. That will be a discussion somewhere in the future and not at this particular moment in my life, thank you very much. Nine months later and there have been a few, if not significant, changes in my life. I have finally settled down in my job as a medical officer in a community clinic.

 

Dear KK Setapak, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

                      

Nine months later and i have gained not one, but two sisters-in-law who both, by the grace of the Almighty, happen to share the same name. Ammelia the Elder and Amelia the Younger... that's what i call them privately. Formally, it's Kak Amy and Amy respectively. I don't think the older Ammelia would appreciate me referring to her as Elder in person.

 

Amy the Younger and Azam on their Akad Nikah day.

 

Afif and Ammelia

Hassan and Husain have grown into two boisterous little boys.

 

Mind if you guys share the joke?

Nine months later and I am almost at the end of my Journey to Become, Part I. It almost seems like yesterday that I embarked on this trip. Another three months will tell, and InsyaAllah the journey won't end in vain.

 

DFM workshop January 2014

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Nobody knows what Allah s.w.t has in store for us. This is our Qada' and Qadar. But I do believe that with a little bit of effort, we can change our destiny for the better. So what do I have planned for myself in another nine months? That will be for me to know.

The start of the beginning….

Sounds like I've gone through some kind of life-changing moment and have decided to start a new, doesn't it? Nope…nope…same old life, same old me. Except that when i actually registered this blogsite two years ago, i was a mummy of one. Now I am a mummy of two. For those who are wondering who I am ( and I am sure a lot of you are wondering), i am a working mother, the only daughter, thus making  me the only sister; a long-distance wife (more like the lonely wife, my senior work colleague once pointedly said), and a humble civil servant.

I live in one of the many suburbs which surround the capital city of Malaysia. Hot and humid and congested. My family and I live in the family home which is bursting at it's seams with memories. Books and magazines, faded childhood photographs ,old textbooks and report cards. Everything tucked away somewhere or the other. Most of the time unused and forgotten, then unearthed during spring cleaning only to be carefully placed away instead of discarded.

I'd been toying with the idea of blogging for ages but have never quite gotten the initiative to start one. Laziness, lack of time, other pressing commitments and engagements are the usual excuses. Yup, you'd have heard these a gazillion times. I love writing, I do. Well, that should actually be loved. Somewhere between now and my teenage years my creative juices stopped flowing and the only writing i did were the numerous essays for exams. How boringly exciting. But the itch to write again developed when i started reading the hundreds of beauty blogs that are floating around in cyberspace. It was amazing to read hundreds of thoughts on makeup, and skincare,  and tips and tricks. Some are good, some are bad, some you could sense that the author might not really know what he or she was talking about.

This isn't a beauty blog, mind you. Well, maybe snippets here and there. Mainly, I'm writing to let loose the thoughts squished inside my head. A place to release my mind.

I hope you will enjoy.

Jo March.