Relationships and Marriage: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly aka My Love Story

I think the most talked about and significant is the one in the title above. Girls, lemme tell you something. Finding the right person isn't like shopping for a new lippie or picking out the latest designer top in a boutique. It's more complex than that. Lippies and clothes....what are they, superficial am I right? The right person has to reach deep into your soul and turn on the switch that will get the ball rolling.

Remember I told you about the 'lightbulb moment', U? A overheard and asked about it but I didn't get the chance to elaborate till now. My dad once revealed to me that a during one of those father-daughter talks, a famous politician had told his daughter that when she met The One, she would have this gut feeling that the man would be the person she would spend her life with. I laughed it off initially. Hey, after two boyfriends and disastrous endings, I was totally allergic to relationships and hadn't the remote interest in even attempting to get to know anyone. It didn't help that I was in a foreign land either.

But, one day I happened to walk out of the Dissecting Room in college and it was also at that time the men were making their way down to the Surau for Friday prayers. I was bending over on the floor to pick up my bags and stuff when I looked up and saw a pair of large dark brown eyes making their way down the hallway. He would never admit it, since he hasn't the remote memory of all this, but we locked eyes, I smiled and quickly looked away with butterflies in my tummy. Girls, i promise with all my heart, that was MY LIGHTBULB moment. No doubt, we didn't cross paths again till 2 years later, but I never forgot those large, dark brown eyes. 

Now, being a Muslim, i do believe that everything happens for a reason. In our religion, we call Qada' and Qadar, U. Meaning, our paths in life is pre-destined by God even before we were sent down to earth. Recalling this path to my marriage, everything seemed to fall into place. Two years after that fateful day, I spotted him outside the library in hospital. And i was hooked. After my break up with BF no.1, I had never felt as much interest about anyone as I had at that moment for this scruffy, curly haired, puppy eyed man. Slowly, and nonchalantly I asked around in the hopes of finding out who he was. 

Unknown to me, my mother had asked a certain elderly lady to look around for a suitable husband for me. Probably due to the high rate of unmarried ladies in my family. Coincidentally too, she was one of those that I asked about the Mr Puppy Eyes. Her immediate reaction was to whip out her phone and call the young man. I was totally mortified and petrified that she would blow my cover. 

From that day onwards, things started to develop although slowly. When I recall all this, I don't blame  U one bit for being straightforward with the men. During our first phone conversation, we agreed to be friends and see where it develops. If it ends in marriage, then Alhamdulillah. If not, we'll remain as friends. 

I won't dwell in the after years during our 4 year courtship. But what I do want to say is that it wasn't all smooth sailing, for me at least. It had it's fair share of ups and downs and uncertainties. When he finally proposed (after 4 years), I asked, " How can you be so certain that you're ready to get married?' His reply I thought was pretty logical... " Well, you can never be too ready for anything."  

My point being U and A, is that marriage doesn't happen in a blink of an eye. And love is not the 'stars in my eyes, fuzzy feeling with fireworks in background' that you see in movies. To tell you the truth, after the third year of marriage,  those fireworks feelings had disappeared and were replaced by a deeper, more mature feeling. Yes, I don't have butterflies in my tummy anymore whenever I look at him now, but then again I cringe at the thought of being with anyone else.

So gals, don't fret. You will find The One. You may need to climb many mountains, cross many rivers and swim many seas. But Darlings, without you least expecting it, your fish will eventually swim towards you from that vast ocean out there. You gotta have a whole lotta faith. I truly believe that when you meet The One, you'll have that Lightbulb Moment too. But till then, don't stop searching, and most important of all, don't stop praying... 

Who made me the Love Guru?

The End

9 months later...

Nine months later and no, I have not given birth to another child. That will be a discussion somewhere in the future and not at this particular moment in my life, thank you very much. Nine months later and there have been a few, if not significant, changes in my life. I have finally settled down in my job as a medical officer in a community clinic.

 

Dear KK Setapak, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

                      

Nine months later and i have gained not one, but two sisters-in-law who both, by the grace of the Almighty, happen to share the same name. Ammelia the Elder and Amelia the Younger... that's what i call them privately. Formally, it's Kak Amy and Amy respectively. I don't think the older Ammelia would appreciate me referring to her as Elder in person.

 

Amy the Younger and Azam on their Akad Nikah day.

 

Afif and Ammelia

Hassan and Husain have grown into two boisterous little boys.

 

Mind if you guys share the joke?

Nine months later and I am almost at the end of my Journey to Become, Part I. It almost seems like yesterday that I embarked on this trip. Another three months will tell, and InsyaAllah the journey won't end in vain.

 

DFM workshop January 2014

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Nobody knows what Allah s.w.t has in store for us. This is our Qada' and Qadar. But I do believe that with a little bit of effort, we can change our destiny for the better. So what do I have planned for myself in another nine months? That will be for me to know.